kabeleced | (no subject)

(no subject)

[[OOC: after the family talks and Despair.]]

"I might --"

Regulus cuts himself off, sighing, and leans against the closed door. Not too far away, Desire sits in a chair, eyeing him almost warily. Regulus wants to go over to him, to hold him and ignore what he just heard, but if what he thinks is about to happen really does then he'd rather not, for no reason he can think of. He takes a deep breath, and starts again.

"All right. Before -- before I say anything, remember something for me?"

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"Of course," Desire says, idly rubbing his faintly marked cheek again.

"Just - and I may be giving myself far, far too much credit by this, but - remember that you promised to tell me if it was ever bad different?"

"The very moment," Desire agrees, blinking slightly. He doesn't know how to take Regulus 'giving himself too much credit,' given everything swirling about in his head.

There has never been this much to consider at once before, and so immediately. Desire's head hurts a little, and he rubs his eyelids with a hand in another human gesture.

"What makes you think I wouldn't?"

"N-nothing. Nothing. Just checking."

Regulus nods, mostly to himself, though he almost gives up when he sees Desire rubbing his eyes.

I should go over to him

but I shouldn't if it's my fault

"Um. Okay. I might not be the brightest person, dead or alive, in the universe. I know this. But. I do know that ... that you and your brothers and sisters aren't meant to go into each other's, um. Realms."

"Not for long, no," Desire agrees, looking at Regulus again.

If Desire wants Regulus to give up this line of conversation and touch him already, he gives no outward sign.
There is a point coming, and Desire isn't sure it's avoidable.

"All right." Regulus nods, looking at the floor for a moment before lifting his head and looking at Desire again.

"And. You don't often, right? Like ... not in the last century?"

"I visit Despair's realm all the time." Desire does not add that he's usually there as an observer, not as one of Despair's. "We are twins."

Desire's eyes meet grey: They lack the agony of his sister's, but similiar regardless. Desire feels the urge to stand, to wrap himself about Regulus where he stands -- but that isn't how this goes, is it?

"Mm. Okay, but ..." Regulus trails off, tempted to end the conversation now, but he doesn't think he can do that.

No. No, he can't.

"That makes sense, of course, but." He gestures vaguely to Desire's cheek, where the mark had been. "She wouldn't have done that to you if you'd just been watching, would she have?"

"No," Desire admits. "No, she wouldn't."

"Then. Then ... why were you there?"

He tries, but Reg can't keep his eyes on Desire. Instead, he looks down at the floor.

"Was it because of me?"

He can't stand it. The cursed distance, the way Regulus won't look at Desire: The Endless stands and crosses the room, arms twining about him and holding, tightly.

"It was," Desire admits quietly, burying his face in Regulus' hair.

Regulus wraps his arms around Desire in turn, burying his face in the crook of his neck and almost clinging. He tries to let go when he hears Desire's answer, but he can't make himself. Instead, he bites his lip and turns so that when he speaks it won't be muffled.

"Then, then why didn't you tell me it'd got bad different? Cos I. Would've left. Will if you want me to."

"Because it isn't. I don't want you to leave."

"But you're not, you're not supposed to be despairing, and you are, and it's my fault, so I should. I should stop being near you, so that you stop. Don't want you to hurt."

Desire runs a hand beneath his chin, tilting Reg's grey eyes up to look in them.

"She'll have me for sure, if you leave."

"But she --" Reg takes a shaky breath, and closes his eyes for a second. "She shouldn't have you at all, and it's cos of me she did even for a little, and I, I don't ..." know what to do

He gives up trying to make sense, and just buries his face in Desire's neck again.

"No, she wouldn't," Desire agrees, petting the younger man's hair. "But I wouldn't have you."

"We play games. I can't really help it -- still. I'm willing to lose, if it means..."

"You would really, you would really rather ..." Regulus swallows, holding Desire tighter.

"What part of 'I love you' did you miss? I don't-- I haven't--" And Desire sighs, pulling slightly away from him, if only to get Reg to look him in the eye. "You are the first, Regulus Black."

"I -- I don't -- really?" Regulus almost smiles, a warm feeling suddenly in his stomach, and leans forward to kiss Desire's lips briefly. "You -- me too."

Desire returns the kiss, his lingering a little longer than Regulus' brief one: He holds Regulus close again, eyes shutting.

No right... But it's true.

Desire feels a sudden and acute sense of longing.

"'m sorry."

"Stop it." Desire's arms tighten slightly. "Nothing for you to be sorry for."

"'m ... 'm sorry anyway. For being so stupid." He's not exactly sure what about, but he's fairly sure he's been stupid anyway.

"You aren't stupid, Regulus." Almost without thinking about it, Desire runs his fingers through the younger man's hair. "I'll be sure to let you know when I want your apologies."

"Mmkay." Regulus moves his head slightly into Desire's touch, sighing softly. "You promise?"

Desire gives Regulus an amused look. "Another promise? -- I will tell you the moment you stop being a good different, Regulus, and I will always love you. You hardly have to worry about me wanting you sorry, love."

"Mmkay." He's said it twice, now, but Regulus doesn't particularly care. Smiling happily, he looks up into Desire's eyes for a moment and then kisses the spot between them. "Love you always too, you know."

Always is a long time.

Desire really can't voice the though without explaination, and... Well. Desire can't handle that conversation tonight.

He lifts Reg's chin up again, lightly kissing his cheeks. "I should probably go. I haven't been home in some time." And Desire means the Threshold, even if home has begun to refer more and more to this room.

"All right."

Regulus tries not to frown. Everyone should go home, after all. Still ...

"Hey. If I haven't over-asked you tonight ... do something for me?"

"Certainly. Ask."

"Will you ..." Reg half-smiles, sheepishly. "Stay with me till I fall asleep?"

"Anything you want, Regulus."

And Desire did.

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